You've got a DIAMOND FISH!!!

Okay, first off let me say that not all of my stories will pertain to fish or fishing, but I do have a funny story about a recent fishing trip for you to read and enjoy. Then we'll see about switching topics to something more interesting like... hmmm, maybe congressional hearings or sitting in DC traffic (which now that I think about it could actually have some good
stories).

So several of the top sales reps for my present employer like to get together for deep sea fishing trips. These trips have been known to become the main topic of conversation for weeks following the trip, and the biggest fish, oops, I mean sales rep that catches the biggest fish has bragging rights till the next voyage. Its not like they pick numbers out of a hat to determine whose turn it is, wait, I guess that is what they do, but there's a lot of skill involved to earn these tremendous bragging rights. I would list these skills but they've apparently slipped my mind. Ohh I remember, don't forget your turn and reel away.

So now that we've laid the ground work for the all male trips and everyone has a clear understanding of the ground rules I will follow by saying the female members of our sales staff have now been included on every other trip. These trips are less intense and a more jovial. They are geared to make sure the women have a good time, and the trip really is fun for all.

On this particular fishing outing one of our reps, we'll say Walt, told a lady on our sales support staff, hmm, let say Doris, that the Maryland fishing commission has starting tracking certain fish by having the fisherman (0r woman) report the catch to the commission.

Well Doris' eyes swelled and your could see the questions pile up in her head, but she happened to ask the perfect combo of q's.

HOW DO THEY KNOW WHAT FISH ARE THE RIGHT ONES? AND WHY WOULD SOMEONE TAKE THE TIME TO REPORT IT?

And Walt's master prank began to unfold beautifully.

WELL YOU SEE, THEY FIGURED IF THEY PUT DIAMONDS IN EACH OF THE FISH'S MOUTHS EVERYONE WOULD BE MORE THAN WILLING TO CALL IN AND REPORT THEIR FISH, AND OF COURSE YOU GET THE DIAMOND. BUT CATCHING ONE OF THE FEW FISH IS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE WITH ALL OF THESE FISH IN THE BAY.

Little did Doris know that Walt had bought the biggest cubic zarconia diamond he could find the night before, and upon arriving that morning to the boat he divulged the entire plan to the first mate.

And so the day continues, and as it goes each of us learn of the diamond fish except poor Doris. Before we know it the mate screams FISH ON and Doris grabs that poll and starts cranking that fish is, which I'm sure at this point the diamond has long since slipped her mind. And I'll be damned if that first mate didn't pull out the biggest damn rock I've ever seen.

DORIS. DORIS, YOU GOT ONE. YOU GOT A DIAMOND FISH. And he pulls up his hand with that rock slapped between his fingers.

HOLY SHI*. I'M RICH, I'M RICH. LOOK AT THAT DAMN DIAMOND. I'M RICH. I've never seen a woman jump that high in my life, and she began to tell everyone her plans to travel the world, get a new car, and so on.

So besides the fact of next to quiting in front of her boss because of her new found wealth she goes on for the better part of an hour about what she's going to do with the money from that diamond.

Well by this point nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to tell her that her rock is worth about $10. So I look at Walt and I don't know if he got sea sick or began to realize that he's got to break the news, but he is about to puke. And right when I think he's about to spew he interrupts Doris on the phone with her husband and breaks the news.

I can't describe the look on her face except to say that it probably resembles Julius Caesar's expression when looking up at Brutus with his final breath. Sheer agony.

After half an hour or so the mood lightened up again, but those few seconds were truly priceless.